Journal Entry 73

Journal Entry 73

It has been a good morning.  The cabins by the lake are in much better shape than the lodge. No broken windows or doors off their hinges. I spent the morning doing a little light cleaning and gathering wood. I even found some delicious berries while exploring.  The girls and I have been sun bathing most of the morning. Aleece and Lost are also enjoying the great outdoors. Lost is having a good time. The little four legged critter hasn’t stopped running around since we got here. She is absolutely certain that she is going to catch one of those squirrels. We are waiting for the guys to return from their little hunting expedition. I think its male bonding because we have food. The girls and I have decided that we would give them until noon to return and then we are going to break into the stores and eat what we brought from Bear Country.

Yesterday evening at the lodge brought back memories from the past. Those were sad and horrible times. I have tried hard not to dwell on what happened back then. But unfortunately it is impossible to erase certain memories from your mind. I was crushed and broken when my parents died. For a few days I wanted to die. My heart hurt so badly. I remember lying on my bed and praying that I would go to sleep and not wake up.  My parents were both dead in the other room. I didn’t deserve this. How could this horrible thing have happened? I am not sure when I chose to live and continue with life. I think it was when I decided to bury my parents in the back yard.

It was a challenge to get my parents out of their room and into the back yard. I struggled most of the day. My dad was very big and dead bodies are so very heavy. My mom was a little easier but it was still a challenge. I am a little amazed that I was able to get them out of the house at all. I drew lines in the dirt to mark the area where I was going to dig. The movies always made digging holes tedious but easily done. Digging holes big enough to bury someone is almost impossible. I dug until my hands had blisters as big as quarters. The hole still wasn’t nearly big enough and the ground was getting too hard for me to dig thru. I lay down and cried. I was tired and I was hungry. I had taken on an impossible task. I was defeated I couldn’t do it. I placed a couple of blankets over my parents and put bricks my father had stored in the shed around the edge. I wanted; I needed a whole to put them in. It’s what you do when your love ones die. I wanted to bury them and say a prayer. I saw it happen in the movies a hundred times. I went back in my house and opened one of the last cans of vegetables that were in the pantry.

Madie

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