Please excuse the crooked writing of this journal entry. It’s hard to write in a truck that consistently hits every pothole in the road. It was a lovely meal. Yates and I had a nice talk at dinner last night. He had a list of things we were going to do when we returned to Fort Shasta. It all sounded so wonderful. I made up my mind that I was going with him. I need stability and a life not so complicated. I can have that at Fort Shasta with Yates. There will be no more worrying about enemies taking over my home. I look forward to not having to make difficult complicated decisions of survival.
I packed my things and let my friends know I was leaving everyone except Tony. He was nowhere to be found. I wish I could have talked to him one more time. I left a letter on his bed in the basement. My heart hurts because I didn’t get to say goodbye to him. I hate saying goodbyes but it would have been nice if I could have said goodbye to his face and given him a hug.
I left a note with Lisa to give to Casey in case she returns to Bear Country with Aleece. Pete promised me they would elect a new tribe leader in a few days. I suggested he run for the position.
I think one of my longest goodbyes was to Joshua of the Spurs. He is a wonderful leader and a great friend. I have not known Joshua very long but he was always there when I needed to talk. He gave Yates and me a bottle of wine to take on our journey and wished us luck and happiness. I promised him I would send the occasional letter to let him know what I was doing. He said he would write in return.
The games we play. It rained just enough today to make the ground muddy in places and to make a game of touch football worth watching. General Yates and a few of his soldiers played against Tony, Pete, Jonas, Matt, Hemy, Hyatt, and Joshua. (I don’t play football but I watch). Marty and Victor were the referees. By the end of the game it was almost impossible to tell who was who. Not one person playing the game escaped being covered in mud from head to toe. I thought the whole purpose of playing flag football was so that no one gets tackled. I could be wrong because people were rolling in the mud on nearly every play. It was a close game and I am sure the rules were continuously being revised. Not one touchdown remained undisputed. The game continued until the players couldn’t pick themselves up out of the mud anymore. Yates and his soldiers made an admirable attempt at winning unfortunately the people living in and around Bear Country have a determination that can’t be beat.
Yates and his soldiers will be leaving first thing in the morning. Do I stay or do I go? I am joining Yates for dinner in about an hour. I have promised to give Yates my answer by the end of our meal. My brain is telling me life would be safer and less complicated at Ft Shasta. My heart is telling me not to leave Bear Country. This is my home. Yates is a good man. It would be insane to turn down his offer of a better life.
I think everyone knows I am thinking about leaving. I have been getting looks from people all day long. No one has come out and asked me. I think they are all waiting to see how I make up my mind. I went to the basement to talk to Tony earlier but he wasn’t there. I think he is avoiding me. I hope he doesn’t think avoiding me is going to make it easier for me to make my decision. I need to talk to him. I long for the days when making decisions was a lot easier. I either did what my parents asked me to do or I didn’t.