I spent the day digging up rocks and daydreaming about my life before the virus. I think it helped to take myself away from this hellhole even though it was just in my mind. I miss my parents and my bed. Please let this whole thing be a dream. Any moment my mom is going to walk into my room and tell me to wake up and get ready for school. I will suddenly realize this life was just an awful nightmare brought on by bad pizza. I am going to hug my mom and apologize for everything I have done wrong in the past.
I think I actually slept for a little while last night. I propped myself up against the wall and before I knew it the guards were rudely yelling at us to wake up. I refuse to believe this is the way I am supposed to spend the rest of my life. Today was a special day. All the slaves assembled in front of the tribe leader. I am not certain what he looked like because we weren’t allowed to raise our heads. He gave a lovely speech and praised us for our hard work. If thoughts could kill his brains would be spread out all over the rock pile. A wheelbarrow of food was brought out and each slave was given about five seconds to grabbed something edible to eat. I am so glad I wasn’t at the end of the line.
I want to go home. It has been a long awful day. This is not the new life I was promised. I keep pinching myself hoping I will wake up from this nightmare. I can’t sleep even though I am exhausted. I am finding it difficult to get comfortable in the night because everything aches and it is difficult to sleep on a cold dirt floor. The guards seem to get enjoyment in disturbing our rest period. They walk over us and deliberately kick someone. I was kicked in the shoulder, yelled at and hit with a stick because I was in the way. I apparently looked at the guard in protest and was beaten for my rudeness. I was made to kneel for the rest of the night.
I am so hungry. The guards eat continuously thru out the day. They walk among us and brag about how full they are. If my thoughts could kill all the guards would be dead. We are teased with food. I have seen several of the other slaves walk away with a guard and come back later with a piece of fruit or bread. They are surviving the best they can. I am not going down that road. I think I would prefer to die.
I spent the first part of the day digging up rocks. After my midday stale biscuit, I was transferred to work on the wall.
If Yates is here, I have not seen him. I’m not allowed to talk to anyone. The guards watch over us like vultures. Any deviation in the rules and punishment is swift and painful. I know because I quit digging up rocks long enough to catch a moments breath and had a rod come down across my shoulders. Rule number 3 don’t stop working until a guard tells you to quit. I gave the guard a look and he smacked me again. I forgot about the keep your head down rule. I recognize a couple of soldiers from Ft Shasta also here as slaves but I don’t know their names. I never had personal contact with them at Bear Country. I think they are just as confused and disoriented as I am. I wish Yates was here. He would know what to do to get us out of this mess. I have been praying that Yates escaped the ambush.
I was forced to work the entire day with practically no food at all, and only two ladles of water. Every muscle in my body hurts. After digging up the rocks we have to transport them to be washed. I have bruises all over my back. I have dirt so far under my finger nails that several of my fingers are sore. I stink and I have a headache. Someone pinch me so that I can wake up from this nightmare.